Monday, May 11, 2009

Hodge Podge Post

Well today was a much better day than either this Saturday or Sunday. I can’t believe I am posting this, but I seem to be transparent on this blog and so why start being something different now.

I pretty much lost it on Saturday. Big A went poop in her pants again and I just couldn’t deal. I felt the world closing in on me. I had a huge breakdown. Obviously, if I am okay blogging about it now I survived and I am okay. The picture is of me crying in my car, parked in my garage. I was going to go somewhere, but I couldn’t think of anywhere to go and I knew that in my emotional state I shouldn’t be driving, so I just stayed in my car. I called my mom and cried for a while on her shoulder. I got some potty training advice from her and then both my aunt and uncle. I wish that I could say that helped, but it didn’t. I was pretty shook up. The poopy pants incident was just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I have been feeling pretty horrible lately. As I have mentioned before pregnancy just doesn’t agree with me. Well in the car I tried to pull it together so I could go upstairs and face the rest of the night and my so called life. I had posted on Facebook that “I wished there was a place where you could exchange lives.” This was before I got in my car. In the car I was trying to delete that status from my phone, but was unable to. I am still learning how to use my phone. Anyways, playing with my phone was a good distraction and I took this self-portrait in the mirror of my car with the phone. I am a mess. You can see my make up is all smeared and I have black circles around my eyes. I prayed, listened to some praise and worship music and tried to pull myself together. I am hoping that I will feel better about my life and myself one day soon, but until then I guess I will just have to fake it until I make it.

Sunday was just like any other day around our home. I cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, went to church. You never would have known it was Mother’s Day if you were just peaking in the window. I was bummed about it at first, but I am sure there are a lot of us out there that had similar experiences. I love my kids and I am glad to be their mom, even if it is a very disrespected, never ending, all consuming job. My poor hubby was having a bad day with his own stuff so he was unable to physically do anything to help out. I am starting to accept that life is just hard sometimes.

So today was a much better day. I don’t teach on Mondays so I took Big A and little a to a coffee shop with a friend and her kids. It is a coffee shop that has play area with a paid babysitter that watches your kids. It was my first time going there. It was a lot of fun and my friend and I got to chat and hang out. My kids didn’t stay in the area the whole time, but it was fine. Big A didn’t have any potty accidents so we went to a fancy grocery store afterward our play date and she got to push a cart all of her own. She was so happy. It was very cute. She did pretty well on peeing in the toilet today, but those BM’s are something else. I pray that she just gets it soon.

Before meeting my friend I went and met a lady selling some diapers on Craigslist. I ended up getting some new fluff for the little girl due this summer. I am so excited about these. They are stuffable AIO diapers made by Blueberry and Swaddlebees. I have two Blueberry diapers that I just love already and Blueberry/Swaddlebees is the same company. I can’t wait to try them out. A few of them should fit Big A right now so I might try them on her stuffed for overnight on Thursday. I am washing diapers now. I won’t cloth diaper again this week until Thursday night. I don’t tend use them when I am working. It is just too much for me. I am looking forward to the summer when I can cloth diaper almost a hundred percent. Adding great diapers to my stash always makes me smile and getting a good deal on them is even better.

Well I am doing pretty good on my postings. Now I just have to plan for the rest of the week when I am busy working. Tomorrow, I have a doctor’s appointment and get to see how the little mover and shaker inside me is doing. I will try to post an update either tomorrow or on Wednesday. Have a great week.

Jen D.

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