Saturday, May 2, 2009

Feeling Done...

Image taken from the

Do you ever that feeling that you have just had enough? That feeling that you need to be done. I am having that feeling and have been for at least a few weeks. I think I am just in a funk right now during this last trimester. It happened when I was pregnant with little a as well. We will see how long it lasts. So here is my done list.

I am done with…
+ Being pregnant, although this time around I was done before I even found out I was pregnant.
+ potty training since I have been attempting it for almost a year with a few months off here and there.
+ With disappointment
+ With this body of mine
+ With this crazy, chaotic life
+ With not sleeping
+ With trying so hard
+ With my hubby’s health problems
+ With the never ending house cleaning that gets done and then is messed up with in minutes
+ With laundry that is also never ending
+ With pets
+ With just about all of the you know what of this life

The thing is I am not done, not really. I still have to figure a way to be pregnant for at least eleven more weeks, officially ten days longer than that, but I am so hopeful for an early (but not too early c-section.)

At this point in time it is not looking good for the potty training to be over any time soon and since I am the parent that does most of the potty training I think I still have a ways to go. Plus, that is just with Big A, there is still little a to train after that and then this new baby girl a few years later. I think potty training is going to be part of my life a lot longer than it is welcome.

Disappointment is just part of life. You would think I would be used to it by now.

This body has failed me so much in recent years. Unfortunately, it is the only one I have, it is not a great one at that, and statistically it will probably last me at least forty more years. I just wish it worked how it was supposed to. I am ENORMOUS and I still have 12 weeks or so to go. I am swollen even though I workout and drink a lot of water. I can’t blame it all on this pregnancy. I haven’t exactly been happy with my body ever, but especially since my first pregnancy. It failed me in nursing (at least only nursing…I had to supplement) and then it failed me with losing this baby weight. This is probably the thing that I am the most done with, well at least tied with being pregnant and potty training.

Adding a third child to this family is not going to make life any easier, simpler or less chaotic. Somehow, I need to find a way to embrace some of the craziness.

Not sleeping is probably also here to stay since I will have a newborn and my track record for having great sleepers is really poor. My kids usually don’t sleep through the night until well nine and six months. A friend of mine is blessed with easy children. Her children are fabulous sleepers starting right off the bat. She just had her third and she is already sleeping through the night. She sleeps for about seven hours, takes a bottle and then sleeps for another four to six hours. Wow!

Trying so hard is one thing on the list that could probably go. Although, it is a personality trait that has been with me since I can remember. Now please don’t confuse trying so hard with things turning out well. I might try hard at things, but I often am not so successful.

The hubby has back problems. He has had two semi-successful back surgeries, but has still been in chronic pain now for 18 months. This is a really hard thing for anyone to watch their spouse go through, but for someone with two young kids and a third one on the way it is a depressing, devastating reality that life for her is only going to get harder and there is not much she can do about it. My hubby is a good father, but he is limited in what he can do with the pain. It is a financial strain, an emotional strain and a physical strain on us and our marriage. Oh I so wish I was done.

I am so done with our pets. I am trying not to post negative things about them, but our cat Jordan has to be the worst in this area. We tried to give her away to a good home, but she wore out her welcome there with in a week. I don’t know what to do. She is a beautiful cat and sure costs us a lot of money, but she has a sensitive digestive track, is picky about how clean her litter box is and sheds like crazy. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with her or any of the pets right now. It seems like all of the pets and our children are extremely high maintenance.

I wish I was just done with all of you know what to this life, but I am not. I can’t say that I would miss any of it. I am so ready to say goodbye to it and welcome happiness, but there is no end in site. I am also wise enough to know that there will always be stuff going on in my life that is unpleasant. I just have to find a way to suck it up and deal.

Maybe once the sun returns I won’t feel so down. We will see. I guess I better stop blogging and go do some laundry that is piling up or clean some of my house or attend to my kids, wait they are in bed. Oh what a wonderful way to spend a Saturday night. II don’t mean to sound ungrateful for the blessings that I do have in my life. I am just in a funk today. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

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